Urgent Business
by RobertCop3
Summary: Very short, very silly fic that takes place at some point after my fic "Silent But Deadly." Turns out there IS something that can make an attention whore like Mai leave her adoring fans to go seek solitude. Rated T for extremely infantile humor. You've been warned.


This is a really dumb idea that I came up with, inspired by a line of dialogue from "Silent But Deadly," the fic involving Mai's Gekka-Midare-Botan move from Dead or Alive 5. I really don't recommend that anyone read this.

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Seriously, stop reading...

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Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. I have nothing more to say since the subject matter speaks for itself.

All characters are the property of SNK/Playmore. I don't own them, the video games, or the anime.

* * *

"Mrs. Bogard, over here!"

"Mrs. Bogard, just one more picture, please?"

Mai Shiranui-Bogard gave a sad shake of her head to the large group of fanboys in the hotel lobby, who'd been snapping pictures of her for the last twenty minutes. "Sorry, boys. I appreciate all the attention, but a girl needs a break sometimes." She dropped out of the sexy pose she'd been in, her demeanor becoming more relaxed, and tucked her fan back into the front of her iconic red fighting gi.

"Aw, Mrs. Bogard... Just five more minutes?"

Mai shook her head again. "Sorry, but I have an urgent matter to see to. Don't worry, though. You'll get plenty more chances for photos before this tournament is finished. Be sure to root for my team tomorrow!" The buxom ninja girl blew the crowd a kiss, flashed them a wink, and then turned and started towards the elevators.

There was an express elevator accessible only by keycard that went straight to the floor reserved for the people competing in this year's King of Fighters tournament. Mai pulled her card out from inside her ample cleavage, slipped it into the slot, then tapped her tabi-clad foot impatiently as the number above the elevator door slowly counted down to one.

_Come on, come on, this is urgent_, she thought, trying to will the elevator to move faster. Finally, after what seemed like eternity plus one, the door slid open with a cheerful _ding! _

Thankfully, no one else was on it. But somehow the elevator moved even slower going up, causing Mai to fidget nervously, shifting her weight from one foot to another. _Come on, already, _she thought. _I can't last much longer. _For a moment, she wondered if she should get it over with here. After all, she was by herself.

In the end, she decided against it. An elevator was still too public, and not well-ventilated. So Mai let it carry her up to her designated floor, and as soon as she reached it, she sprinted down the hall towards her and Andy's room. She used her card to open the door, and was relieved to see that the lights were off. Her husband must still be out with Terry and Joe, celebrating their win this round.

The only reason Mai wasn't with them was because watching Andy fight always turned her on, and they had a rule of abstaining from sex during tournament competition. So it was better just to avoid him until the tournament was over, removing temptation from the picture completely.

Of course, she had plans of her own, too. Mai's team had also gotten through the First Round, and she would be meeting with her teammates, King and Chizuru, for their own celebratory dinner later. But now, while she was alone in her room, she had urgent business to take care of, something that she'd needed to do all day.

Mai snapped on the light, hung the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the knob, and shut the door to her room. "Andy?" She called out, and got no answer. Satisfied that she was alone, she shut her eyes, relaxed her slender frame, and let it rip.

_BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!_

The breeze generated by the invisible cloud of methane being expelled from between Mai's otherwise lovely butt cheeks actually caused the twin tails on the rear of her costume to flap like flags. A smile of immense relief spread across Mai's face as an entire day's worth of pent-up gas was let loose from her bowel. The epic fart lasted longer than a minute, closer to two. Finally, she was empty, and the kunoichi opened her eyes and breathed a huge sigh.

"Thank... the _Gods_!" She said out loud to herself, as she opened one of her fans and started flapping it in front of her ass. "I have been holding that one in for fucking _hours_!" It had come close to costing her her match earlier, but the fact that she'd managed to persevere and defeat her opponent despite her painful stomach cramps told her that her extra training was definitely paying off.

"Of course, it _was_ my own fault," Mai said, still out loud. "I just had to go with the spicy pork dumplings for lunch, didn't I? Not smart, girl. Next time, just stick with the salad bar."

But then, at least she'd managed to get back to her room, and privacy, before anything slipped out. _Never fart in public, only in private, _Mai thought, silently reciting her mantra. _After all, you can't let your adoring fanbase down. You have an image to maintain. You're a traditional Japanese beauty, and it just isn't ladylike to pop off gas in front of others._

Mai nodded to herself, and then moved over to the climate controls, turning the air on. The room _definitely _needed venting after that one. That done, she stripped off her fighting costume, and padded across the carpet towards the bathroom.

She was halfway there when she heard a knock at the door. The ninja girl was about to ask whoever was on the other end if they could read the sign, when she heard a familiar voice call: "Mai?"

Mai moved to the door and, still keeping it shut, called back through it: "Hey, Yuri!"

"Is everything okay in there?" Yuri Sakazaki asked. "I... thought I heard someone blowing a foghorn a minute ago."

"Oh, um... yeah, everything is fine," Mai answered, stammering slightly as her mind raced to come up with a response. "I was just... um... practicing... a new dance I'm gonna be using... tomorrow. It's... a combination of fans and foghorn. For those... times when your opponent needs _extra _distraction."

There was a long silence on the other end, and Mai could picture her friend's look of confusion. "That... sounds... interesting. I can't wait to see that. Um... can I come in, Mai? I hate talking through the door."

_Nope, definitely not. The room still hasn't aired out yet. _Of course, Mai wouldn't say this out loud. Instead, she said: "Sorry, girl. I'm not decent right now, so I can't open the door."

Another pause from Yuri, again likely caused by confusion. The karate girl knew that Mai was anything but modest, and at this point in their friendship, the two had seen each other naked while changing in locker rooms. "Mai, what's really going on? Is Andy there with you?"

Mai said: "Nope, he's still out with his team. I'm actually about to jump in the shower. I'm meeting Chiz and King for dinner soon."

"Ah, yeah," Yuri answered. "Robbie and I are getting together for dinner soon, too. Well... you wanna meet for a drink afterwards? Toast our victories?"

"You know it!" Mai said cheerfully. "Shall we say... hotel bar at seven-thirty?"

"Sounds good. I'll see ya then. Good job today, Mai!"

"Speak for yourself, honey!"

Mai heard Yuri walk away, then. After she was gone, the ninja girl started towards the bathroom again, to grab her shower before leaving for dinner.

"I'm definitely sticking with wine tonight," Mai said out loud as she walked. "After the day I've had, my system probably can't handle beer..."

* * *

ADDITIONAL NOTES

So, there's a line of dialogue in "Silent But Deadly" where Mai tells Andy that she never farts in front of other people, only when she's by herself. But Mai is also a people person, so it's conceivable that she might have to go for hours at a time without having the opportunity to fart. And that inspired this.

So, I should be done with fart jokes now. If you actually read this fic, I have no sympathy for you, because I warned you not to. So share my pain!


End file.
